Couch to FA: 5 Tips for Putting Up a First Ascent

FKA of "Whiskey Religion" near Savage Gulf, Tennessee

You don't need to be Rob Robinson or Jeep Gaskin to put up a first ascent. You don't even need to be a good climber. As you will see when you scroll through the "New Routes in Your Area" feature of Mountain Project, you just need to find a tiny chosspile in your neck of the woods you deem worthy enough to share with the world wide web. So lace up, tie in, and follow these 5 easy steps for putting up an insignificant first ascent.

1. Prep and train by eating a steady diet of pizza, ice cream, and burritos while watching plenty of Netflix to help prepare your body and mind for the physically and mentally taxing process of a first ascent. This is the little known "Couch to FA" method of route development.

2. Visit less popular, seldom climbed areas. You are more likely to find something that has never been climbed in an area where, well, not many people go to climb because it probably isn't great. Even if you don't find a first ascent you can feel like you did by cleaning all the cob webs off a route that hasn't been done in a season or two (re: everything in Suck Creek). Be prepared for the slab to be a bit mossy and for granddaddy longlegs to crawl on your finger locks.

3. Carry a spider stick.

4. Bring your friend's brother who doesn't climb but does enjoy traipsing off into the woods. They'll stumble upon some unknown chunk of rock and call you to come and look at it. Maybe when you do, you'll see a short chosspile with a lichened face and a seemingly unclimbed crack that -- if cleaned up -- may garner half a star on Mountain Project. Friend's brothers are optional but preferable to doing any bushwhacking for yourself. Let them do the grunt work so you can focus all your energy on sending the gnar.

5. After the send comes the real challenge: think of a clever route name worthy of posting online. Sure, this route may garner half of a star on Mountain Project but a clever name will attract the attention it probably doesn't deserve. The real climbers developing the real classic lines are simply too greedy or too busy to share the fruits of their labor with the online community (aside from their ambiguous instagram posts!) but you're not! The world deserves to know about your mossy 30 ft. trad route or your lowball traverse boulder problem and a good route name will get 'em there.

This post has been UPDATED with an ADDENDUM: 

6. You weren't there first. First ascents are hard and you have to be Rob Robinson or Jeep Gaskin.