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"The ice ax and skill in its use allow climbers to venture onto all forms of snow and ice, enjoying greater variety of mountain terrain during all seasons of the year." - Mountaineering: The Freedom of the Hills |
As mountain guides working in the summer months on mostly non-technical mountains with teenagers, passer-byers often ask us why we have ice axes on our packs. Yes, it is true we are required to carry them in the early months for emergency glissading; but also, and perhaps more importantly, because they are valuable pooping posture facilitators.
"The ice ax, an inherently simple tool, has many uses," says Freedom of the Hills but what it does not include in its bountiful purposes is taking a dump. The ice ax is perfectly -- though inadvertently -- designed for disposing human waste according to Leave No Trace's cathole method.
First, we must reevaluate the anatomy of the ice ax. The adze is more than adequate for chopping through hard ground and digging a 6-8 inch cathole while the pick or the spike help stabilize the practitioner and find solid ground no matter what angle terrain they find themselves in. If you are one to carry toilet paper with you, the shaft is an excellent toilet paper dispenser. Just make sure you pack it out.
Here are five ways your ice ax can enhance your high country pooping experience.
1. The Standard AKA "The Tug and Poop": This is the "standard route" of using the ice ax as a toiletry tool. Dig your cat hole with the adze, turn the ax around and thrust the pick into the ground. Grab and squat with your pooper over the hole and let it rip.
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| "welcome to my woods." |
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| "hey girl, where yo aspen?" |
3. The Jackhammer: Soft ground? Jab the spike into the ground and grab the head (pick and adze) like a jackhammer and pound that poop out.
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| "mmm, corn!" |
4. The Throne: Feeling frisky? Situate your ax like the jackhammer but instead of grabbing on, plant your posterior on the pick and adze and let it drop 60 to 70 cm to its target. It is very, very important that you aim well and sit far enough back that you don't crap on your shaft.
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| "Robin, you look like a woodland nymph when pooping." - Jamie |
5. The Dangleberry: Feeling even friskier? Dig your cathole and dangle over the target area from a select and sturdy tree branch.
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| Note: select your branch carefully |
"...don't crap on your shaft."
ReplyDeleteHi, hi. I have been hiking and climbing a lot, and I have pooed outside lots of times. But I have never tried these techniques! I think they would be too cumbersome for me. I am always fully occupied with observing my surroundings trying to spot anyone approaching my secret place when squatting with my shorts at my knees. Still, very nice of you to post such amusing things like this, reminding us that we all do when out there (even those of us regarding ourselves as beautiful girls) even though most of us do not talk about it.
ReplyDelete"Fully occupied with observing my surroundings..." One of these days I'll get around to posting about pooping in the woods at night. That's the worst. Ha! All but #1 and #2 (pun intended) are done with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but they're well worth trying. Thanks for reading!
ReplyDelete"Observing my surroundings" - only because I would have hated any of my friends walking in on me when exposing my white bum to the ground........ I know that we all do but I do not like anyone to know when and what I do. But, yes, I must admit that it has happened.
ReplyDeleteA well known situation to all hikers, even without an ice axe, I think. Feeling the urge, understanding that it is unavoidable to answer the call. At a suitable break, putting some paper in the pocket. Walking away from the others. (Hoping that nobody notices, but, well, realizing that it is impossible.) Finding a suitable spot behind a rock or a dense bush. Looking carefully around. Pulling shorts down. Squatting and let go. (Praying that nobody comes by.) Wiping and pulling up. (Lucky this time to!!) Walking back, pretending that nothing has happened.
ReplyDeleteBut being honest:
Have I been observed? Trying to forget it, but yes, for sure, several times. (Especially in the mornings.) Will not speak about it. Too embarrassing.
Have I seen others? Well, I have to admit. (Especially in the mornings white bums are flashing between the bushes.) It would be to rude to give any details.
I have been an avid hiker for all my life. But I have to admit that going to toilet is the "Achilles-heal" of my outdoor life. I have been on scouts' hikes knowing that we all had to do it. I have been on a pilgrim hike observing men as well as women, from 40 to over 70 years trying to hide in the bushes. I have participated in overland tours in Africa where there was no other option than going in the bushes. I have walked a famous trail in South America, where the toilets were so dirty that the bushes appeared as first class comfort. I have taken part in a canoe hike in Sweden where everyone disappeared one by one in the bushes (everybody knew the purpose but nobody nentioned it), I have biked in Tuscany and the guide said that the bushes were the sole option. In younger years I visited Fraser Island squatting over a self digged hole in the sand when one of my friends came by and pretended not to see. On a Fellucca boat ride on the Nile some years ago there was only one solution. Even on ordinary Sunday hikes at home I occasionally have had to find a private spot......(not to mention when going berry picking in the remote woods.) More could be mentioned - every time without an ice axe, but just the basic.
But really, why should we not just face it more frankly? We all do. I know. But still I feel embarrassed, and when walking in on others I almost feel guilty of a violation of privacy.
Last summer it changed a bit. I walked parts of the AT together with a handfull others. Direct speech there, men as well as women. "I have to go to toilet", "It was nice to have it done", "Please wait, I have to go in the bushes", "I have been somewhat constipated for a few days", "Today I finally got it done", "My stomach is a bit busy today". Then it was not that bad when anyone came by saying: "Oh occupied? Then I have to walk a bit more".
I have seen a lot of web sites on going to toilet outside. Mostly they focus upon the technical side of it, digging a hole etc. Few of them concern about the emotional sides. Even when being an experienced hiker going to toilet may be perceived embarrassing. Let us face it - when staying outdoor for some time it is unavoidable for everybody. Like it or not, speak about it or not, even being a man, nature sooner or later forces us to do it, Most hikers know how difficult it can be, but be sure, most hikers have done it several times. No difference between mature traditionalist hikers with grey hair and young students with modern hiking equipment - we all feel quite vulnerable. There is no door to lock an the is no way around pulling shorts down. But really, we all look alike when sitting there, just because we all have the same needs.
Thanks for a refreshing posting focusing upon the ice axe!
Hi, hi! What to do without an ice ax then? Visiting a beach in Spain in June you do not necessarily carry an ice ax!!! I ended up squatting behind a bush. Not a situation to be proud of, sitting there with shorts at the knees. But, oh gosh, it was necessary.
ReplyDeleteNice story and amusing pictures! Good that someone tries to make this basic issue for hikers a bit less complicated by using such adverse narrative techniques! My wife and I have been hiking quite a lot for over 40 years now. (Yes, even grey haired senior hikers, men as well as women, cannot avoid this challenge when out there.) When young I remember being a bit neurotic about it. But when getting older we have been sticking to the general rule of KISS (keep it simple, stupid). Go well away from the others, and from any water. Find a spot where nobody would go for any other purpose than just that! (Usually behind some dense bushes or a big boulder.) And just do it. And remember that most hikers do not like to be included in this part of the life of others. What then if anyone comes by? (For sure it has happended. It is a part of outdoor life and most hikers have experienced it - and survived!) My wife and I still disagree on what to do then. I prefer to say nothing, as the moment only lasts a second or two. She thinks it is ok to say "hi", "excuse" or like. I feel it even worse when walking in on others, but mostly that is easy to prevent by being a bit observant when out there. Once in the highlands of Scotland I went straight in our guide when she was squatting. She took the fuse out of the situation by just saying we all do it, don't we?
ReplyDeletePassage from How to Shit in the Woods by Kathleen Meyer (1989, 1994, 2011):
ReplyDeleteOccasionally it is impossible to obtain an optimal degree of privacy. Some years back, my colleague Henrietta Alice was hitchhiking along the Autobahn in Germany, where the terrain was board flat and barren. At last, unable to contain herself, she asked the driver to stop and she struck out across a field toward a knoll topped by a lone bush. There, hidden by branches and feeling safe from the eyes of traffic, she squatted and swung up the back of her skirt, securing it as a cape over her head. But Henrietta’s rejoicing ended abruptly. Out of nowhere came a column of Boy Guides (the rear guard?) marching past her bare derrière.
Another version of Henrietta’s story needs to be kept in mind when hiking switchbacks. I was all settled once, well off the path, completely shrouded with low-hanging branches, pants down, a soft mullein leaf in hand, when smack at me came three hikers, all men, stepping smartly along on the previous bend in the trail. Only the footway’s ruts and roots, which held their attention, and my holding my breath like a startled squirrel saved me.
[Men can pee easily...] Women, on the other hand, search for a place to hide (god forbid anyone should know we have to pee in the first place) where with panties dropped and sweet asses bared, we must assume the position of a flustered duck trying to watch itself pass an egg.
Being an avid hiker for over 50 years now I think that I master the art of going to toilet in the great outdoors (even without an ice ax!) The technical side has not been a problem for decades. (I stick to the well proven "just squat" method.) But the privacy issue continues to be a challenge, at least emotionally, and perhaps even stronger now when getting older than it was when I was younger. Then it was quite common to talk openly about it with your fellow hikers. During last years I have mostly been hiking with other grey haired persons. Never heard a word about going to toilet. For sure everybody does. (I do it, and yes, I must admit that occasionally I have seen others, men as well as women, trying to hide behind a bush or a rock squatting (without an ice ax!) with the shorts at their knees.) Last summer my wife and I went for a canoe hike for almost two weeks, sleeping in a tee-pee with lots of others. Even we did not change a word about toilet habits when out there. When back home my wife commented on the issue. When younger we surely would have talked a bit about it, but the tacit "group pressure"(?) obviously made it an intangible issue. We both laughed when we told each other that we had managed to keep normal bowel habits all those days in the wilderness.
ReplyDeleteFunny pictures and an amusing issue! Toilet positions when out there in the woods. I have never really reflected upon the topic. But for several years now I have been a voluntary nature guide during some weeks every summer. When thinking back I must say that I have noted that there are several ways to find a position when taking a dump in the bushes. Myself I prefer the common squat, which I also think is the most popular. But others hoover and some find a fallen tree to sit on, but I have never ever seen anyone using an ice ax! For sure this will be a topic for discussion on my next hike.
ReplyDeleteHilarious reading. Never before thought it could be an amusing topic. By the way, I prefer the common squat (and pray that nobody comes by while a mature woman takes a squat).
ReplyDeleteWhy bother? My experience is that if anyone gets a slight glimpse of a mature woman squatting they turn around and disappear, probably even more embarrassed than me. I think most hikers and campers immediate know what is happening and can easily acknowledge the desire for solitude for everybody in such a situation. It is an unavoidable and natural part of outdoor life. After lots of years feeling ashamed even when thinking about relieving myself in the open I have now at last learnt to enjoy it. The fear of anyone coming by shall not destroy that feeling. By the way, even men squat when pooping.
DeleteEntertaining text and illustrations! Nice that someone comes up with such creative ideas on a common and everyday challenge for all hikers. That said, I think I will continue to stick to the well proven squat. Besides, that is so common among hikers that it does not attract particular interest among possible bypassers (which I guess the different ice ax positions should!!!!!).
ReplyDelete