Shirts-On and Shirts-Off Climbers

Alex Puccio crushing  it (via tumblr)

Ever gone to the gym to get a few laps in after a long day at school or work? You feel slightly lethargic, maybe a bit pudgy because you splurged for the $5 footlong instead of just getting the six-inch sub. Nevertheless, you're psyched to work on that 11d that worked you on your last visit only to find some shirtless, perfectly chiseled specimen with exquisite hair-to-body ratio effortlessly cruising up its microcrimps as if it were a 5.8 jug haul. Suddenly you're not so psyched to climb anymore.

Why does he have his shirt off anyway? It's a cool night outside. Air-conditioned inside. Massive utility fans blowing chalk in every direction. There are two types of climbers in this world: shirts-on climbers and shirts-off climbers.

"shirts off" climbers Anderson and Kyle spotting Jamie in Little River Canyon, AL.

Shirts-off climbers are those gym gods who crush 5.13; they've earned their stripes.Those stripes outline every trapezius and latissimus, every abdominal muscle bulging forth like a constant reminder that you ate Taco Bell yesterday. It's clear these climbers live at the gym, do juice cleanses regularly, and crush on the weekends. Horse Pens' sandbagged slopers? No problem. The Obed's horizontal roofs? They can do it and they do it sexier than you.

And this is the movement of modern climbing, right? Ondra, Woods, Puccio, et. al. Nobody's interested in Joe Climber running up West Ridge on Pigeon Spire. But the truth is shirts-off climbers don't always have their shirts off. And shirts-off climbers also include those who want to be shirtless. The gym bros who think they can crush 5.13 but then struggle on a 5.10. Or think that if they take their shirt off, they go from climbing 5.10 to climbing 5.13. 

Barrett and I on top Torreys Peak, CO; definitely "shirts-on" climbers

I'll be honest, I want to push myself to my climbing limits and look halfway decent with my shirt off too. But I also want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. 

I know that I am just a lat guy living in an ab guy's world and I definitely don't have a perfect body hair ratio. Any given day at a southeastern crag, it is very likely that I'm the only dude with a shirt on. And that's as true in June as it is in December. In fact, it might even be my desire to keep my shirt on that pushes me towards the mountains where layering up is not only the norm but the necessity.

It's probable that the lure of mountains is more significant than that. But the point is, that's where you'll find shirts-on climbers. On an airy pitch in the high country, sweating it out on what would otherwise be a warmup route if it were closer to the ground. Don't get me wrong, I love a hard sport route just as much as the next guy; I just really love jackets and the places a jacket, a rope, and basic rock craft will take you.

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