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| not Nick Offerman |
What's more important in life than shredding? Looking good. I may not be a dentist with a bike that costs more than a 2005 Ford Focus and I may never win a lottery spot in Mid South Gravel or huck a suicide no-hander over a double gap. I don't even know what those words mean. But I can look cool. Like Macho Man Randy Savage cool. And for the low cost of $20.99, you can look this cool too with X-Tiger Polarized Sports Sunglasses.
These sunglasses are so cool that my wife says I can only wear them while biking. Too much sauce for the grocery store I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Once, my friend Alea saw me riding across town and she said, "Wow. Those glasses are... something." And you know what? They are something. They're like Pit Vipers but for a fraction of the cost and without the cringey lax-bro-in-a-MAGA-hat-and-Reagan-Bush'84-t-shirt kind of vibe. X-Tiger sport shades are lightweight, low-cost, and keep the sun and mud out of my eyes. What more do you need to know?
I suppose you could take the time to read the nearly 7,000 gushing reviews on Amazon and you could see that Outdoor Gear Lab gave X-Tiger Sunglasses 4 out of 5 stars and a "Best Buy" rating. But why would you waste your time when you can imagine me pulling these bad boys down over my sweet baby blues, doing slow donuts in the trailhead parking lot while blasting Iron Maiden's "Wrathchild" at full volume?
Eat your heart out, Pit Viper. Let's shred.
(EDIT: due to the rising cost of living in our ever collapsing hell world, I regret to inform you that these glasses are now $23.99)
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