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| Josh at an empty crag near Chattanooga |
It's hard to have the crag to yourself these days. That's okay. But there's no denying that our cliffs and boulders are seeing more people than ever before and climbing's ever-growing popularity has changed the landscape of the sport, sometimes literally. I'm increasingly and un-inronically convinced that the most ecologically responsible thing a climber can do is quit climbing. But nobody's going to do that. So whether you're headed to Ten Sleep or the New River this summer, there are lots of climbers out there and there's some that you should avoid and avoid being like.
5. The Bluetoothers & Hammockers
There are worse people on this list but the Bluetoothers and Eno Hammockers are my personal least favorite. These easy to spot (and hear) user groups are likely young granola types from the local university's outdoor club and they treat the outdoors like their campus's green space: bright colored hammocks strewed about with electronic toilet-noise music blasting loudly. Nobody likes your music. Nobody likes mine either. This is a forest/cliff/desert/mountain, not a chill hang-out spot to vibe with your friends. Leave your boombox and hammocks at home.
4. The Screamers & Wobblers
One time, my friend Julia and I went to the Obed for a day trip with a couple from Nashville. Julia and I were not a couple. In fact, I spent the whole drive talking about my friend Eli and now Julia and Eli are married (a point I did not neglect to mention when I officiated their wedding). Both members of that couple were strong climbers with even stronger personalities. They spent the entire day arguing about route choice, screaming about beta differences, yelling at each other about belay catches, and throwing humongous hissy fits when they did not send. Except for Julia, I never climbed with those people ever again.
I understand being frustrated with bad climbing or bad belaying or obnoxious beta spraying but yelling, fit pitching, and temper tantruming (otherwise known as a "wobbler") is inexcusable behavior when other people are at the cliff.
I also find screaming while trying hard a particularly annoying crag occurrence. There is some evidence that it helps with the send but it is really about the short, powerful exhalation -- not the noise. My friend Josh is a great example of a strong climber who exhales with purpose, rather than screams like a banshee. Noise pollution comes in many forms. Keep it down...
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| Cora and Josh being good land users AAA Crag in the U.P. Michigan |
3. The Sandbaggers & Beta Sprayers
Everybody knows these guys -- usually guys -- and the Venn-Diagram of sandbaggers and beta sprayers is quite large. Sandbaggers undersell the difficulty of an objective while Beta Sprayers give unsolicited advice about how to accomplish the objective. Maybe you have had a conversation like this:
me: hey, we're looking for [5.8 hand crack in a dihedral].
Sandbagger: oh, you should totally get on this [5.10c overhanging splitter finger crack]
or like this:
me: *falling off difficult-for-me boulder problem and not asking for help*
Beta Sprayer: bro! you gotta hand-heel match, then cross, then throw for the lip!
Both, Sandbagger and Beta Sprayer, are so plagued by their own ego that they feel the need to spray or "word vomit" all the information and not-so-humble brag they can muster to anyone in earshot. Everybody begrudgingly listens but nobody actually likes them. Don't be one of them.
2. The Non-Hole Digging or Wagbagging Woods Poopers
I'm not quite a crusty trad-dad yet, but I have been climbing long enough to see how climbing's growing popularity has caused growing pains at our local crags. Nothing demonstrates this more than the proverbial minefields of human feces that surround our most popular cliffs. I haven't climbed at Foster Falls in years (I refuse to anymore), but even a few years ago you couldn't wander into the woods to pee without stumbling on, what the Access Fund calls, "toilet paper flowers." AKA "flowers" or piles of soiled toilet paper erupting from the earth. Do we even need to talk about how reprehensible this is?
It's gotten so bad that WAG-bags -- special bags you poop in and carry out -- are being implemented at southeastern crags, like Deep Creek. These bags were once reserved for delicate desert and alpine environs but increased use and impact at southern climbing destinations has necessitated them. Fun.
1. The Dangerously Stupid Help Rejecters
I watched a climber deck at Horseshoe Canyon Ranch. It was from the first bolt so it wasn't as bad as it could have been but I'm pretty sure he was going home with bruised or broken heels that evening. After we checked on him, to our dismay, he started up the route again! This time, when he struggled at the first bolt, he put his finger through the hanger in desperation. We let out a collective, "NOOOO!" and offered to spot him for a downclimb and let us stick clip it, if he was still committed to the route. He rejected our help and we packed up and hightailed out of there because we didn't want to scoop up brains that afternoon.
We were all gumbies at some point. I had a few helpful mentors along the way but I am very much a self-taught climber. I've built anchors I'm ashamed of and I've done things that have caused me traumatic flashbacks about how I could have died or severely injured myself. One thing I've always appreciated is when a more experienced climber offered me a teaching moment in a kind, helpful way.
Pride, ego, and insecurity combined with stupidity is a dangerous concoction. Be humble. And when the visibly ignorant are openly recalcitrant, it's probably just best to pack your gear and move on.
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