R.I.P. MEGASPLITTER (2012-2022)

In the fall of 2012, I started an outdoor blog called #dirtbagswag. I wrote dumb essays about sleeping in cars, pooping in the woods, and climbing with my shirt on. I eventually changed the name to megasplitter and shifted my creative energies toward my teaching job. After a hiatus, I committed to writing two essays a month and have done so ever since. I love being outside. I love writing. And even though I am mediocre (at best) at both, it has been a joy to use this waste of internet space as a creative outlet for the last decade. After ten years of posting, I'm calling it quits.  

I've churned out some real drivel over the years. But I've also put out some things I stand by and even one or two pieces that I'm genuinely proud of. And some of you goobers actually read along. Maybe you still have an old Nalgene with a #dirtbagswag sticker. Maybe you just recently subscribed to the newsletter. Or maybe you're one of those weirdos who, according to google analytics, stumbled onto this page because you have a disgusting pooping outside kink and you helped make "5 Ways to Poop With Your Ice Ax" go viral back in 2014. 

Regardless, thank you. 

Thanks for letting me take up some of that precious real estate in your inbox twice a month. Thanks for reading and sharing with your friends. I hope something I wrote made you laugh or feel seen or feel inspired to go do something cool outside. 

I've been trying to think of a closing catchphrase to say, like a cool greaser guy in a leather jacket walking out of a drive-in juke joint at the end of a coming of age movie that takes place in the 1950s, but it's hard to be embody a granola Fonzie. Instead, I'll try a few different catchphrases and you can pick the one you'd like to close out this blog with forever. 

Stay munchy! (wall graffiti in the Wilderness Expeditions guides' bunkhouse)

Shut up and get rad. ("Skate or Die" - Teenage Bottlerocket)

Skate mean, live clean. (Henry Rollins 1979 senior yearbook quote) 

Waste your brain. Pray for waves. (Earth Girls Are Easy, 1988)

Live fast, pie young. (the instagram hashtag I used when I went through a pie baking phase) 

I'll see you in Valhalla. (Eli, before starting a scary rock climb)

Let the ponies ride. (me, before starting a scary rock climb)

"You can't achieve your goals if you don't take that chance, so go pry open that trunk and get those amps." ("Trying to Find a Balance" - Atmosphere) 

Goodbye (this blog, right now).

ANALYSIS: How to Have a Rich and Meaningful Life

Here's what I know for sure: the entire lyrical database of the Coheed and Cambria discography, how to build an equalized rock climbing anchor, and the secret to living a rich and meaningful life. I didn't know I already knew the meaning of life until my friend Josh pointed it out to me last month; I'm a pretty happy guy so I guess I've had it all figured out this whole time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1. Laughter: a rich and meaningful life needs joy and silliness. Refuse to harden your heart. Be an easy laugh. Laugh at your farts. Laugh at Johnny Knoxville getting hit in the nut sack. Laugh as your friend tells a story about a coworker stealing another coworker's pickle recipe and selling it as their own (#picklegate). Life is absurd, man. Take the barbed wire off of your heart and approach it with joyous whimsy.
2. Adventure: give your life some color. Pick a human-powered activity that's moderately hard for you, go to some destination, and sleep outside. Bikepack. Backpack. Climb to a big ledge on a 5.6 multipitch route. Sleep there. Make coffee. See the sunrise and go home. Now you have a story to tell.
3. Doing good: we are not made for ourselves alone. Make other people laugh. Take someone who never thought they could go on an adventure on an adventure. Organize a block party. Know your city council member. Replace people's tail lights for free. Raise a child. Plant a garden. You can't save the world but you can't neglect it either. 

Your mileage may vary. That's cool too. 

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